— Violet Hill (Coldplay)
one-less-hipster asked: You ever feel like you know exactly what to / what you want. Its a simple matter of getting up and doing it. But for some reason or another you just can't get up from that slump. Nothing you do works. I know what I want. I know I do. But I feel paralyzed. Shit.
Its a shitty feeling. I know. I’m sorry, why us?
I want to look as empty as I feel.
(via sugarsenshi)
Isnt it ironic how Ive wanted therapy for so long and when I finally got it, already by my second session, I know its wrong. I expected some actual therapy to be going on, but she seems to think Im fine. My act has become so foolproof that even if I had written it on cardboard and held it up in middle of time square that I was empty, dying, and a self harmer, no one would care to stop. Seriously what the FUCK is wrong with people? Are they so blinded by their own lives that they cant stop and say, hey maybe she has a problem- even if its your JOB. holy shit, I sat there with the lady as she tried to ex-out the depression wich was initially put there by my intake, but it wouldn’t close. And the program just left it there, and she kept trying to ex it out, and I said to her - why are you taking Depression off there? And she acts like shes thinking deeply and says “you know what your right, I think its something you need to ‘work on’, and its deep inside of you even if no one sees it. Theres this emptiness.” And she says this like its a fucking walk in the park, and not because I opened up or told her this or anything or as if she quoted me on this emptiness - she cant fucking feel - but more of a textbook response. my response? Well shut the fuck up woman. Seriously shut the fuck up. I might have a lot of anger, and a lot of hate inside of me, but no one knows me better than I know myself and fuck you if you dont want to help me.
Other than completely embarassing myself and feeling ashamed from bursting out crying, in my 1st therapy session, it went pretty smoothly. She made it awkward, I was trying to avoid that though. She said I should keep a journal, and I said I’m not keeping a fucking journal. Thats stupid. She said she thinks I should. I open a package from my grandparents today. They bought me a turquoise journal. How did they know? Divine right?
